*** QUESTION ***
Is there any way to make anal sex less painful for my wife?
DP, Male, 40 years, from springfield/usa
One of the main reasons why women say no to anal sex is pain (or
fear of pain).
Remember: anal sex should NEVER hurt. If it does, it means she is
not relaxed enough, not aroused enough, her anus or your penis is
not lubricated sufficiently and/or you are pushing in too quickly
The most important rule of anal play is that the receiving partner
should ALWAYS be the one in control of how fast and how deep you
penetrate. She does the moving, pushing, adjusting...while you
stay still. This allows her to stay relaxed and comfortable. If she
does invite you to push, then do it with slow, gentle movements.
Anything inserted into the anus (penis or butt plug) should enter
very gently and move slowly. This minimizes the likelihood of
tearing the thin lining of the rectum.
Make sure you follow the below basics during anal play.
The anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina is, and so you
have to provide store-bought lubrication. The more lube the better.
Experiment with different kinds of lubes. Water-based lubricants
like KY Jelly may be great for vaginal sex, but NOT ideal for anal
sex. Instead try vegetable oil or petroleum-based lubricants or the
thicker jellies; a thick lube reduces abrasion and friction better
than a thin one.
ENSURE SUFFICIENT AROUSAL
Many people find anal play most enjoyable when both lovers are
highly aroused. Give each other arousing whole-body massage and
Start by gently massaging her external anal sphincter with a
well-lubricated finger. If she is ok with it, insert a finger in
her anus about an inch or so; and gently move it in & out, and
around. Most couples restrict anal play to this. If you decide to
proceed to penis-anus intercourse, make sure she is in control of
the speed and thrust of movement.
Two common misconceptions about anal sex make many people
uncomfortable with it. That it HURTS and that it is DIRTY.
With some planning and care, it need not be painful.
And with careful hygiene it's clean.
Please note : The soft tissue of the anal canal and rectum can
abrade during vigorous movement, and cause minor bleeding. That's
why receptive anal intercourse is the easiest way for transmission
of HIV. If you are unsure of your partner, use condoms during anal
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Until next time.
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