A common question asked by male participants
at the Seminar is How do I make
my partner more responsive to my sexual moves?
The reason why many men find their partners
less responsive lies in the differences between the way
men and women approach sex. The male sexual desire is more
spontaneous, while the female sexual desire is more responsive
to the environment. When it comes to sex, men are mostly
genitally focused, whereas for women, sex is a full mind
and body experience.
Also, because women are more concerned
with intimacy and passion than orgasm, many women would
rather cuddle than have a mediocre sexual experience.
Therefore, to sexually motivate your girl,
you have to work on making sex exciting for her so that
she considers it a priority over running errands or getting
an extra hour of sleep. Here are some of the ways to do
it.
1. Provide a better
ambience
Women get distracted a lot more than men. They cannot ignore
loud noises, blaring TV lights, or unpleasant smells of
rotten food coming from your messy kitchen. Yes, that means
turning off the TV, dimming the lights, feeding your dog,
turning on the AC, tidying up the room, changing the dirty
sheets!
That’s the basics. But then to really raise her mood,
put on her favorite music, light some scented candles, and
spray some fragrant air freshener in your bedroom and bathroom.
It might sound like too much trouble to seduce a woman who
is already attracted or committed to you, but women get
turned on by such stimuli, both on an unconscious level
through their senses and in consciously thinking, "He
cares." That thought alone will get her in the mood
for sex.
2. Give her longer foreplay
Women need an average of at least 15 minutes of foreplay
to get aroused. And foreplay does not mean directly grabbing
her breasts or directly going for her clitoris. The most
effective foreplay starts out as far from her action spots
as possible, like holding her face, stroking her hair, touching
her chin, kissing her temples, gazing into her eyes, or
rubbing her neck and shoulders. Learn some massage techniques
and gently try a few on her head, neck and shoulders. Work
your way southward very slowly. Try using just the very
light touch of your fingertips.
A detailed description of foreplay can be found in any good
sex book (or wait for my future newsletters) but for now
remember the 2 most important things about foreplay :
DO NOT go for her
action spots directly, instead go there gradually
A woman needs at
least 15 minutes of foreplay for arousal (some need more
and
some less, ask!
3. Touch her the way she likes to
be touched
Most men prefer a deeper, stronger pressure, but most women
prefer soft, tender touches and strokes all over their body
until they get fully aroused. Don't just grab her breasts
or butt. Instead, let your hands slowly reach those goals
with long, gentle caresses. When she is fully aroused, she
may love the rougher play; but reserve that brute animal
power in you for the actual intercourse. And remember when
you are touching all areas of her body, overlook no surface.
Every part of a woman responds to the right kind of touching.
4. Kiss her the way she likes to
be kissed
If you kiss a woman well, and kiss her the way she wants
to be kissed, you are halfway to your destination of having
her melt in your arms. To be an expert kisser, start gently
and work up to more passion in gradual stages. Begin by
barely brushing your lips against hers, and then touch her
lips with the tip of your tongue. Relax and open your lips
as you deepen the kiss, but avoid drooling, slobbering or
heavy vacuum sucking. A great idea is to always ask her
: “kiss me the way you want to be kissed”. So
if she sucks on your lower lip, definitely ask her, “Do
you want me to do that to you?”
Here are some tips to keep in mind :
Gently hold her upper
lip with your lips, and run the curved tip of your tongue
along the inside of her upper lip. Not all women like
this, so ask her.
Have both of you
gently suck on one another’s tongue
Never push your entire
tongue in to a woman’s mouth, unless you know she
wants you to. Most women don’t like it.
Be aware of how loose
your lips are. If they are too loose, they will feel sloppy
to her
Avoid the woodpecker
style of kissing in which you put your pointy tongue in
and out of your mouth rapidly. Most women hate it.
And always remember,
in kissing, it is the slow and steady who win the race
If you are worried about bad breath, be sure to brush
your tongue as well as your teeth, especially if you have
been drinking coffee or smoking. If you can't brush, pop
a mint into your mouth before beginning. Try keeping eye
contact by not closing your eyes while you kiss. For many
women, this deepens the connection and supercharges their
sex drive.
5. Let her know
you like her body
We live in a world in which the media constantly shows young
perfect looking bodies in their ads and promotions. This
has given most women negative feelings around their body
image. Even women with model-like bodies secretly feel insecure
about their looks and are self-conscious about their naked
bodies. An insecure woman is unlikely to be in the mood
for sex. To increase her sexual responsiveness, tell her
between kisses and as you touch her body that you find her
beautiful and sexy, that she turns you on, and that you
want to enjoy every part of her body before making love
to her.
Pay her some specific compliments -- tell her you love her
warm smile, or her soft skin, or the shape, size and feel
of her breasts, or her silky hair, or her melodic voice.
And don't wait for sexual moments to dish out such verbal
reassurances. The more often you can convince her that
you find her desirable and attractive, the more often she
will desire sex.
6. Encourage her
to be 'sexually mindful'
Sometimes she does not get aroused because, instead of focusing
on the eroticism of the moment, her mind drifts off to the
list of things she has to do outside the bedroom. To keep
her "mindful," get her in front of the mirror
and ask her to watch every thing you will do to her. Verbally
describing each act of foreplay before you actually do it
is also a way of keeping her mind on the heat of the moment.
Start by kissing her neck and shoulders as you rub your
hands on her clothed body. Then, slowly remove her panties
but leave the rest of her clothes on. Lift her blouse or
dress and gently touch her nipples as you rub her bottom.
Sit her on a chair in front of the mirror and ask her to
touch her vulva. Direct her hands as you ask her to perform
a self-arousal. Or get her to describe her sensations with
each move you make. Soon, she will be begging you to make
love to her!
7. Try bondage
Bondage is the application of restraint in a way that some
people find erotic or satisfying. One form of bondage includes
having your arms or feet tied together while being kissed,
tickled, caressed or otherwise made love to. Many women
enjoy it because they are rendered passive and have no choice
but to totally enjoy what a partner is doing to them. They
don’t have to worry about being a “good”
sex partner who provides pleasure in return, and so they
don't have to worry about performance anxiety.
Prepare her by telling her what you will do to her tonight
(you can leave her a note or a voice message or send her
an e-mail). When the time comes, order her to get down on
her knees and submit to her "master." You could
use scarves or ties tie your lover, but beware some times
they can form tight knots that are hard to undo. You can
then proceed to tease her with a feather or a tickler, or
just do whatever you normally do during foreplay.
Beware
of the time of month
When using any of
these techniques however, be mindful of her hormones.
Along with her fluctuating hormones, her sexual desire
also fluctuates throughout her menstrual cycle. Usually,
a woman has the greatest desire just before and during
her ovulation, which is usually in the middle of her
menstrual cycle (days 12 to 15 of the average 28-day
cycle). This is the time to schedule a hot rendezvous
or plan a romantic getaway.
Most women are not in the mood for sex right before
their period, especially if they suffer from PMS,
but some women feel a surge in their desire during
their menstruation. Unfortunately, many hormonally
based birth control methods reduce female desire (such
as DepoProvera injections, which may cause vaginal
dryness and discomfort).
